From Rage to Resolution: Three Ways to Address Your Anger

Anger. It's a powerful emotion, capable of propelling us to great things or leading us down destructive paths. While anger sometimes serves a purpose, letting it take control can damage our relationships, our well-being, and even our physical health. So, how do we manage this often-misunderstood emotion? 

Here are three key approaches based on CBT:

1. Delving Deep: Understanding the Roots of Anger

Anger is rarely a spontaneous reaction. It's often fueled by underlying emotions like fear, hurt, or frustration. Taking the time to understand these deeper emotions can be transformative. 

Here's how:

• Write it down: Write down the situation where your anger arises. Don't censor yourself. Explore what thoughts and emotions trigger it.
• Understand the benefits of Anger: Pause for a moment to explore the potential benefits of anger or any positive insights it may offer about yourself. Reflect on whether you wish to continue harboring anger. Consider setting a goal to dial down the anger.
• Change your thoughts: Shifting the negative thoughts that fuel anger is a crucial step. By addressing the underlying, more vulnerable emotions beneath the anger, you can effectively reduce its over encompassing presence. 

2. Stepping Back: Seeing the Other Side

Sometimes, anger stems from misunderstandings or conflicting perspectives. Stepping into the shoes of the person you're angry with can offer a valuable shift in perspective. 

Here are some strategies:

• Understand what happened: Reflect and write down what the other person has said that created anger for you. 
• Letting go of blame: Would you like to stop blaming this person? Or, do you want to continue having this type of relationship with them? There are a lot of good reasons to continue blaming. Would you like to let that go?
• Empathy: Look back to the situation where the other person said the statement that upset you. Now imagine what the other person was feeling and thinking that led them to say that. 

3. Breaking the Cycle: Building New Habits

Anger often follows familiar patterns. By recognizing these patterns and developing new habits, we can gain control over our reactions. 

Here are some tips:

• Recognize your triggers: What situations or people typically trigger your anger? Identify these triggers and understand the tempting thoughts that lead you to lash out.
• Challenge the devil on your shoulder: Oftentimes you feel tempted as if there was a devil on your shoulder telling you to do something that you know will not help you in the future. Your job is to challenge those temptations and create more self control.

Remember, addressing anger is a journey, not a destination. Be patient with yourself, celebrate your progress, and keep practicing these strategies. Through ongoing practice, you can develop the skills to effectively handle your anger, leading to a more peaceful life and fostering positive relationships.
 

Meet Richard Lam, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing with the Feeling Good Institute in the serene landscapes of Mountain View, California. As a graduate of Palo Alto University, Richard is passionate about providing short-term Cognitive Behavioral Therapy solutions for a variety of concerns including anxiety, OCD, habits/addictions, depression, and relationship issues.

He's also dedicated to sharing his knowledge with fellow therapists, training them in David Burns' acclaimed model of CBT known as TEAM-CBT Therapy. As a certified Level 5 Master Therapist and Trainer in TEAM-CBT Therapy, Richard brings a wealth of experience and insight to the table.

In workshops and presentations, Richard's warm demeanor and engaging storytelling captivate audiences, making complex clinical concepts accessible and actionable for the public. By deconstructing therapist tools, he empowers individuals to take control of their mental health and become their own inner guides. 
 

You can learn more about Feeling Good Institute here, or here to find an Effective Therapist.